newschool | [the 'ships i want' meme]

Lily has every right to decline coming to visit Abbie's new school, and having to see the place that has kept them apart for so long. Honestly, she's surprised that the answer is a maybe instead of a flat-out no.

It still hurts, though, that tone of voice, and the way that Lily doesn't reach out for her hand, or offer her a hug, or a kiss, or ... any sort of comfortable, intimate contact, and -

Well. That's all Abbie's fault, isn't it? That's her fault for not making Lily feel as valued and as wanted as she really is. And for how desperate she is to apologize, to make Lily understand that her feelings haven't changed at all ...

All she can do is follow along, bags in hand, trying very hard to sound like everything is fine.

"Yeah. It's a nice day, I thought you might like to enjoy the weather a bit with me."

"Yeah, of course." It's probably safe to look around now, now that she's gotten herself under control, and she glances up at the sky with a smile. As Abbie sits next to her, Lily scoots closer to her so their thighs and shoulders are touching. Although she's mad, so she's not being as physically demonstrative as she usually is, she missed this terribly. She's a very tactile person, and Abbie's warmth next to her is comforting.

"It's nice to get out of Lark for a bit, as well. Not a busy day."

It still hurts, though, knowing that the distance between them was due to her own inattentiveness. At least now there's a chance to begin making up for it all.

She's ridiculously grateful for that chance, and for the familiar, comforting contact that just sitting together, arms and legs brushing each other.

It's not much, but it's a start. It's enough to give her hope that she hasn't ruined everything completely.

"I'm glad. I'd ... been meaning to ask you to do this for a while."

"I know you've been busy." It comes out with more bitterness than Lily had intended it to, and she bites the inside of her lip. They're never going to get anywhere with this 'reconciliation' business if she keeps being petty - even though it feels good to finally spit it out and keep it from festering in her system, like it has been for weeks. "But it's such a beautiful day," she adds, trying to be fair. "I'm glad you thought of it."

It's that tone of voice and the feelings that were clearly behind it that broke AJ's heart all the further. She wants to be a good girlfriend, she really does, but she also wants to be a good counselor, and she just hasn't ... found a happy medium between school, and their home lives.

But starting now, she's decided, things were going to change.

"I just wanted to spend some time with you, Lily. I know it's my fault that we've been so distant. I just want to ... I want that to change, and I want it to change right now. I miss you."

Lily smiles despite herself, and she reaches out to take AJ's hand in her own, tangling their fingers together and holding it tightly. "I miss you too. You know," and here she laughs, because things can never get too serious, "there's a backlog on the DVR at least three weeks deep. I haven't made any headway on our shows."

Oh, thank God. This is certainly a step in the right direction, or so she hopes, and so, she's going to cling until she absolutely cannot do so anymore. After all, at some point, she does have to let Lily get back to work, even though she doesn't particularly want to. "That's good news for me. I mean, if you were caught up, I'd just be lost. We'll catch up together."

"You'd better be grateful," Lily teases, because it's easier to joke than to admit how heartbroken she's been feeling for ... long enough that it feels like she's always felt like this. "I have practically had to stay off Facebook to avoid spoilers. It's been terrible."

There's a beat, and she looks down at their joined hands, her thumb tracing the lines of AJ's.

"Will you be home tonight?"

It is easier to swallow those feelings for now, but Abbie knows and accepts that it will all come out eventually - she's prepared to hear about every hurt she's inflicted on Lily these past months. But she's also prepared to do what is necessary to correct things, to soothe those hurts, and to make sure things got better from this moment forward. "Oh, I can imagine. We'll watch it all, and get caught up before the new seasons start."

She sighs, enjoying the sweet little gesture, quiet in the moment before she answers. "Yes. No later than five-thirty, I promise."

"Promise." It's not a word that Lily tosses around lightly - she makes it a point not to make promises, but guarantees. Maybe it's two sides of the same coin, but the specificity of the words means something to her. With her free hand, she extends her pinky to Abbie, but she smiles, too, like gosh, isn't this ridiculous, but do it to make me feel better. "Please?"

Anything. Abbie would do just about anything within her power to prove to Lily that she means what she says. Things have been going south for far too long - she's adamant that this is the first step toward making things right. Her smile widens, but there is no hesitation when she extends her hand, too, linking fingers. "I promise."

"Thank you." Lily will deny forever that there might be a catch in her voice, just for a moment there. This means more to her than she can say - the feelings of abandonment had sunk deeper and held on more tightly than even she realized. It wasn't until she had solid proof that she wasn't being left that she realized that she'd even been so scared. A moment later, she flings her arms around the brunette in a tight hug.

There's no need to mention it, even though Abbie hears it, and her heart beats just a little bit faster when she does. Oh, she's got a lot of missing time to make up for, but she'll gladly do it just to see that smile, and to know that Lily will still be waiting for her when she comes home from work every night. Her breath gets knocked out of her with the force of the hug, but she doesn't hesitate to wrap her arms around Lily in return, if only just to hold her just as tightly. "I'm gonna make it all up to you, I swear."

"This was a nice way to start." She doesn't let herself pull back until she's sure she's not going to cry, because she's not going to be the Crying Girl on the Park Bench. Again. Lily leans back, but not all the way away, just keeping Abbie close. "But it's just a start. I expect to be coddled, d'you hear? Chocolates and breakfast in bed and ... oh, massages. I love a good massage." She's smiling, because she's probably joking, but there's just enough seriousness in her voice that might undercut it.

Oh, no. Again? That knowledge would only make Abbie feel all the guiltier, especially since she knows damn well that it's all her fault. She might chuckle at the demands, but there's a catch in her voice that betrays the fact that she's barely holding back tears. "I'll do all of that and more. I'll spend a week cooking your favorite dinners every night. I won't hog the remote. I'll even put socks on in bed so that my cold feet don't make you yelp."

And that is precisely why Lily isn't saying anything along those lines, because she just got Abbie back, and she doesn't want to push her away again. (Not that she believes, really, that it was anything she did that made Abbie vanish - of course it was her job, and her drive to succeed, and all those things that make Lily admire her, but also sometimes want to punch her.) She doesn't miss those tears in the brunette's voice, and she goes right back in for the hug, because she has to remember she's not the only wounded party here.

"Your feet are bloody cold at night." She settles her head in the crook of Abbie's neck and shoulder. "Dinners sound fine. You can have the remote, though, since we're just going to be DVRing stuff for the next two months anyway." She laughs a little. "You know I always forget to fast-forward through the commercials."

But she'd deserve every word, and it would hurt to hear it all, but she'd take it. Still, she's grateful for the tightening of the hug, and she holds on to Lily for all she's worth, afraid to let go, even though she knows, logically, she's going to have to at some piont.

"I know, bad circulation, I bought new socks - thicker socks. I like being as close as I can, even when we're sleeping." This time when she laughs, it's a much more amused sound. "Or you go to turn the channel, 'cause you've forgotten that we're watching a recording. That'll never not be funny."

Lily laughs, her voice muffled a little by Abbie's skin. "Oh, shut up! It's like proper television; of course I'm going to look for something else to watch during the commercials!" And then be momentarily confused and worried as to why it's not working, even going so far as to dump the batteries out of the remote before Abbie came back into the room and wanting to know what she was doing.

"But see? That's why you get the remote. You're much more sensible with it."

Such a tickling sensation, and it's hard to keep from huffing out a chuckle in return, even though Abbie doesn't take a step away, and although it makes her want to shiver, she stays right where she is, amused, and pleased, and finally content, all at once.

"I'm glad that you can recognize that."

"Yes, well." Lily thinks that she would be happy to recognize anything that Abbie put in front of her, as long as it meant that Abbie was home. There hadn't been many times in her life in which Lily was jealous of small children, but this had been one of those few. She settles against the other woman, comfortable and happy. After a moment or two, she asks, quietly,

"How long is your lunch break?"

Starting today, Abbie will make it a point to be home more often than at school. She's incredibly lucky to have been given this second chance, and she knows it. She enjoys the quiet, and the comfort that sharing this sort of easy intimacy brings her, and she'll certainly answer the question, but only after she brushes some long, stray hair out of Lily's eyes.

"An hour, usually. But, um ... I took the rest of the afternoon off today."

"What?" Lily sits up, her eyes wide in surprise tinged with disbelief and happiness she can't quite hold back. "Really? I mean - " The smile starts coming out, broader, brighter. "Really? You can do that?" Wait, stupid question, of course she could - she just, well, hadn't. And Lily gets it, respects it, all of that, but this is wonderful. "I just need to close up Lark for the afternoon, then."

That is an expression that Abbie will absolutely remember and relish for the rest of her life. Finally, she's thought of someone other than herself. Finally, she's done something right. Finally, she's made the most important person in her life happy, and if that's not a reason to celebrate (however internally), Abbie doesn't know what would be. "I can and I am - for us."

It's not much, but she hopes that it's a step in the right direction.

"That's wonderful." Beaming, Lily leans over and kisses Abbie's cheek. "I'm really glad to hear it." There's a lot in those words that's not being said, like whispers of I thought you'd leave me and I wondered if you loved me. "Let's head back to Lark so I can close up, and then home. I'm so looking forward to it."

If there was ever a more loaded statement, she's never heard it, but she feels the same way - if she wants to save her relationship, and she does, it's up to her to make an effort. And so, here she is, making an effort. "Me too. Nothing sounds better than you, me, and a date with the couch." Never, ever, she thinks, you are my world, and she hopes that by some miracle, Lily knows.

[the 'ships i want' meme]

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